Country and Year: USA (2005)
Director: Don Coscarelli
Starring: Bree Turner, Ethan Embry, Angus Scrimm, John De Santis

Review By: David Austin
Rating: 2 out of 4 stars (average)

It’s Halloween - time to review some horror movies! Charlie and I watched a couple of silly ones - the amusingly inept and gross Slugs and completely off-the-wall Battle Heater, but for now I’ll take a look at the new Showtime anthology series, Masters of Horror. Showtime has enlisted quite a distinguished group of horror directors (which naturally leads to the following question: what do you call of group of horror film artists? A murder, like crows?). Among them are John Carpenter, Dario Argento, Takashi Miike, Larry Cohen, Joe Dante, and John Landis. Each has produced a short film of roughly an hour in length. Basically the old Tales from the Crypt, Bodybags format with prestige directors attached.

The first entry is directed by Don Coscarelli of Phantasm, Beastmaster, and Bubba Ho-Tep fame. I find that Coscarelli is a director whose work may not always be good, but is always worth watching. He has a way of working in quirky touches and light, effective humor that always helps to distinguish his films from the pack. For those who’ve never had the pleasure, I highly recommend the first two Phantasm movies.

The strange thing about this episode, Incident On and Off A Mountain Road, is that except for the presence of Coscarelli regular Angus Scrimm (The Tall Man of Phantasm fame), you’d never know you were watching a Coscarelli film. The direction is simultaneously slicker and more professional (Hollywood, if you will) than Coscarelli’s usual fare, and lacking in the idiosyncratic touches that usually make Coscarelli’s work such a pleasure.

Incident moves directly into Jeepers Creepers territory. Ellen (the very, very cute Bree Turner) encounters a freakish killer (John De Santis) on a deserted mountain road, and must fight back using the training she got from her lunatic survivalist husband Bruce (Ethan Embry). The main story is intercut with flashbacks of her life with Bruce, which effectively sets up her abilities, while also (intentionally?) leading us to question her incredibly poor romantic choices. An effective subtitle for the film would be: “How to Make the Best Out of a Bad Marriage.” Angus Scrimm also joins the cast as an old man who’s seen too much to maintain his sanity.

The film has some effective moments but overall feels too much like a retread. If you’ve seen Wrong Turn or Predator, you have a pretty good idea of how this one goes - lots of stalking about in the woods, and desperate battles. De Santis is an effective villain but his Moonface character, a hulking, black-clad mutant, feels too familiar. It’s all too easy to envision him and the creature from Jeepers Creepers hanging around in the second-tier movie monsters lounge, playing cards. Embry and Turner both do a fine job with the limited material.

Some scenes are quite good - Coscarelli very successfully captures the dreamy, half-concentration of a long drive on a dark road, and there are a few scenes that evoke the squirming creepiness of the original Texas Chain-Saw Massacre. Unfortunately many of the forest stalking scenes are so dark, rainy and filled with flora that it’s almost impossible to clearly make out what’s going on. At least one booby-trap is too obscured by the dark, and insufficiently explained, to be satisfying. Some plot turns are also way too convenient - a perfectly-walled gaping pit smack in the middle of the forest, hmm.

Not that any of this means that Incident is bad. It’s an solid piece of work - well shot and acted. It simply lacks any truly original elements. A bit disappointing, but I’m sure Coscarelli will bring his trademark eccentric vision back to bear on his next project, Bubba Nosferatu (and hopefully someday, a decently budgeted Phantasm V).

Recommended? Incident is only an hour, so if you’ve got the time and need a horror fix, it’ll do.

© David Austin